Last post...

I have not posted in a very, very long time. My heart was too broken. With Sean's injury (He is doing very well, btw) and the changes in Haitian adoption laws it became impossible for us to bring Sophia home. We don't understand why we went through this process and our hearts will forever be in Haiti with her. Sometimes her picture or just thinking of her still brings me to tears.

I don't know what God's plan is for her life, or if she will ever again be a part of ours but I continue to pray for her and love her. I know that I will meet her someday in heaven and get to tell her how we have missed her our whole lives.

Sean is finishing school and moving forward with plans to become an Army Chaplain, I am working full time...something I never expected. Our lives have changed dramatically. Sean enjoys doing most of our homeschooling now and the kids have adjusted to his being home more than me. It has been an interesting year but God continues to show us His blessings in the journey. We are looking forward to moving to Denver next year to attend Denver Seminary.

Thank you to everyone who has "prayed us through"!

Update: When it rains, it pours!

Thank you everyone for all of your prayers for Sean. His spirits are good! We are beginning to see signs of healing. He has a little more mobility in his arms and a little less pain in his shoulders. He is most grateful to be able to feed himself, brush his own teeth, etc. Funny how last week I wouldn't have thought to be grateful for that :) He has also been able to type some without too much pain so he can try and get back to his school work. It would be awful to get far behind or have to drop a class. He is really looking forward to graduating this summer. Holding a book in order to read it is still difficult, but I am trying to find creative solutions. In the morning he drinks his coffee out of a tall clear tumbler with a long red crazy straw!

I am sure I can thank the waiting room full of coughing, sneezing people as I waited in in hospital Friday for the fact that all of us are sick. I should have taken a bunch of vitamin C and other immune boosters when I got home. My sinuses feel like they are pushing my teeth out. Normally I would be whining to Sean about needing a hot bath and a nap! Joe has croup. That is just wrong. Poor kid cannot breath without sounding like he is gasping desperately for air and then coughing like a barking seal. He is fianally sleeping for a bit... I am going to try some onion poultices later tonight. I am grateful that he is my 4th child and I have gained the knowledge that croup, while sounding deadly, is really a reasonably minor illness.

We continue to pray about what God is doing with all this. Certainly I am reminded to be grateful for all we have! I feel a bit stuck in the mire...but a head cold can make you feel that way in the best of times. Every doctor who looks at Sean or his many x-rays, CAT-scans, MRIs, etc tells us how incredibly "lucky" we are. Perhaps, but I really believe God was protecting him, even directing us with this injury. We absolutely praise God that he is not dead or in a wheelchair! It is also changing the way we have thought sbout some things and opening some new opportunities. Since Sean is now able to sit up for a few hours at a time, he is doing all the homeschooling for now!

It is possible I will need to get a job. Sean is self-employed so we don't have any income right now. I have not had to look for a job in about 7 years! I have been teaching childbirth classes and working as a doula when I can, but I am yet to figure out how that translates into a job that can support us for a while. Not to mention making sure the kids are cared for and not putting too much stress on Sean at home. Kind of makes me wish I had finished nursing school! 3rd shift nursing sounds a lot better than third shift grocery bagging :) Not to mention is pays better...

I have so far avoided major emotional breakdown. My house is a complete diaster and I have a lot more questions than answers. Perhaps my sick kids are almost helping. As long as I just move from one mess to another, one project or runny nose or bedtime accident, or making odd smelling homemade cough syrup, or running to play practice, fall fittness, gathering Sean's prescriptions, reccords, doctors appointments, etc, etc, etc. It might never actually crash! Who needs sleep? Or sanity?

I can pretty much say, because it seems silly to keep the secret now. I was supposed to be going to Haiti next month. Ha! Again. I refuse to be beaten! So, evil Satan...I am not giving up on my family and my family includes Sophia! I may not see her this month or next, and it may seem like the road is not more difficult than ever but somehow, somehow we are going to bring her home. We are going to get through all of this, and we are going to be stronger and know more about where God is leading us.

Prayers for my Sean...

Yesterday Sean was injured at work. He has a relatively minor spinal injury and is still enjoying the hospitality and room service of Aurora Hospital. As of now he has to wear a lovely spinal collar and is in a tremendous amount of pain. We expect him to come home tonight but life is going to be very different around here for a while. We are thanking and praising God that the injury was not even slightly worse as they expect that he will fully recover. Another lb. of force could have put him in a wheelchair for life instead of inconveniencing us for a few weeks.

To all my praying Christian friends, we covet your prayers. Sean will not be able to work. Pray that somehow we find creative ways to make ends meet and see God's provision. Also pray for me as I care for him as well as my children and that he makes a supernaturally fast recovery. Next week when we meet with the neurologist I want to be a witness to the healing power of Jesus Christ, that we might say "Look what the Lord has done". I believe in miracles, and I believe that not only will be be able to take off his spinal collar in a week but that the scans will show no damage, no swelling. That Sean will have full use of his arms and hands and without pain.

I wanted to post a lovely picture of him in C-spine showing his forehead stitched from nose to hairline... but I took the picture with my phone and I have no idea how to get it from there to here!

Christmas in Haiti

So far God has blessed our steps and shown us continually that His plan for our family includes our Sophia. In fact God seems to be showing us a lot about His direction for our lives at the moment!

There is a plan in the works to bless the children at For His Glory Orphanage in Port Au Prince, Haiti this Christmas. Would you please consider helping us be a part of that blessing?

I will be taking donations of infant formula and small inexpensive toys and God willing getting them to Haiti by Christmas. If you can donate items or cash please let me know ASAP. If you would like more information on how to help please let me know!

Event

Please join us tomorrow, Saturday October, 20th. Two men who are walking accross thr country to lead a prayer of repentance will be making a stop in Green Bay, WI! You can hear them speak, meet them in person, and most importantly sign the "National Prayer of Repentance". For more info see www.RU4one.com

Sat., October 20th @ 6:00 PM First Assembly of God 1460 Shawano (at the corner of Shawano and Fisk.) 6:00 PM. Hope to see you there!

October Update Photo

To me it says "Are you ever coming to get me out of here"?

Melissa, Part 3

The drive home was only about an hour and a half, but it included a 2 lane mountain pass and our first try at feeding her with the g-tube!

We had shopped and shopped until we found a car seat with 2 sets of insertable pads to make it smaller and and still it seemed like she was too tiny for it. The clasps seemed way too big and she so tiny!

We stopped at a McDonalds to feed her (not a lot of choices, it was pretty much that or Carl's Jr. and the McDonalds had better lighting) The really weird thing was that Sean's Dad and step Mom were there! At the time I am sure they just thought we were totally crazy. They left after getting their food and we returned to the task at hand. It took both of us and a lot of worried effort but we managed to drip in the 2 oz she was supposed to eat. Thus beginning the ritual for every two hours for the next year.

It was an adventure, she had to eat every two hours, had Doctors appointments almost as often and she projectile vomited at nearly every feeding. At night she would sometimes stop breathing and during the day when she threw up she would aspirate the formula into her lungs and need those upside-down baby back thrusts. Sean and I used that infant CPR training almost daily. More than once we were insure she was really going to breathe again and twice we called 911. Anna was only 2 but she remembers me giving chest thrusts and breathing for her baby sister.

It was an isolating experience and there is no question why I had not noticed it had been an awful long time since my last cycle. I was feeling exhausted and nauseous and assuming it was due to the months since I last slept a whole night. But three positive pregnancy tests in a row were all it took to convince Sean we were about to be a family of 5.

Melissa's feedings got worse. I had run out of the donated breastmilk and we were feeding her a $60 per can prescription formula. My kitchen became a full hospital-grade sterilization center. We had given up on the advice of dozens of doctors and began turning away her therapists. We made a video of the whole feeding experience that was shown to a judge who granted us full authority over her care.

It was Anna's 3rd birthday, Melissa was just past her 8th month and weighed all of 11 pounds when a round cherubic girl named Zaia was born in my living room. She was just over 9 1/2 pounds. It was Wednesday at 8:00 AM. Melissa's had court the next morning at 8.00.

We contacted our social worker but were told that our presence in court was mandatory if we were to be named as her permanent placement. So, at 8:00 AM, almost exactly 24 hours after Zaia's birth we packed our bags with all of Melissa's feeding supplies, diapers for both girls, cord care supplies for Zaia and postpartum stuff for Mom and went to court. Sean asked if we could be shown some favor but was told we would have to wait to be called in order. At 4:45 we were called in. The last case of the day. It was all going to be worth it because today we would call her ours forever.

The judge stood and then sat. He read a motion by the mother for a new attorney and a new petition for her and the father to regain custody. He granted them 6 months and twice a week visitation.

Part 4...soon!