Last post...

I have not posted in a very, very long time. My heart was too broken. With Sean's injury (He is doing very well, btw) and the changes in Haitian adoption laws it became impossible for us to bring Sophia home. We don't understand why we went through this process and our hearts will forever be in Haiti with her. Sometimes her picture or just thinking of her still brings me to tears.

I don't know what God's plan is for her life, or if she will ever again be a part of ours but I continue to pray for her and love her. I know that I will meet her someday in heaven and get to tell her how we have missed her our whole lives.

Sean is finishing school and moving forward with plans to become an Army Chaplain, I am working full time...something I never expected. Our lives have changed dramatically. Sean enjoys doing most of our homeschooling now and the kids have adjusted to his being home more than me. It has been an interesting year but God continues to show us His blessings in the journey. We are looking forward to moving to Denver next year to attend Denver Seminary.

Thank you to everyone who has "prayed us through"!

Update: When it rains, it pours!

Thank you everyone for all of your prayers for Sean. His spirits are good! We are beginning to see signs of healing. He has a little more mobility in his arms and a little less pain in his shoulders. He is most grateful to be able to feed himself, brush his own teeth, etc. Funny how last week I wouldn't have thought to be grateful for that :) He has also been able to type some without too much pain so he can try and get back to his school work. It would be awful to get far behind or have to drop a class. He is really looking forward to graduating this summer. Holding a book in order to read it is still difficult, but I am trying to find creative solutions. In the morning he drinks his coffee out of a tall clear tumbler with a long red crazy straw!

I am sure I can thank the waiting room full of coughing, sneezing people as I waited in in hospital Friday for the fact that all of us are sick. I should have taken a bunch of vitamin C and other immune boosters when I got home. My sinuses feel like they are pushing my teeth out. Normally I would be whining to Sean about needing a hot bath and a nap! Joe has croup. That is just wrong. Poor kid cannot breath without sounding like he is gasping desperately for air and then coughing like a barking seal. He is fianally sleeping for a bit... I am going to try some onion poultices later tonight. I am grateful that he is my 4th child and I have gained the knowledge that croup, while sounding deadly, is really a reasonably minor illness.

We continue to pray about what God is doing with all this. Certainly I am reminded to be grateful for all we have! I feel a bit stuck in the mire...but a head cold can make you feel that way in the best of times. Every doctor who looks at Sean or his many x-rays, CAT-scans, MRIs, etc tells us how incredibly "lucky" we are. Perhaps, but I really believe God was protecting him, even directing us with this injury. We absolutely praise God that he is not dead or in a wheelchair! It is also changing the way we have thought sbout some things and opening some new opportunities. Since Sean is now able to sit up for a few hours at a time, he is doing all the homeschooling for now!

It is possible I will need to get a job. Sean is self-employed so we don't have any income right now. I have not had to look for a job in about 7 years! I have been teaching childbirth classes and working as a doula when I can, but I am yet to figure out how that translates into a job that can support us for a while. Not to mention making sure the kids are cared for and not putting too much stress on Sean at home. Kind of makes me wish I had finished nursing school! 3rd shift nursing sounds a lot better than third shift grocery bagging :) Not to mention is pays better...

I have so far avoided major emotional breakdown. My house is a complete diaster and I have a lot more questions than answers. Perhaps my sick kids are almost helping. As long as I just move from one mess to another, one project or runny nose or bedtime accident, or making odd smelling homemade cough syrup, or running to play practice, fall fittness, gathering Sean's prescriptions, reccords, doctors appointments, etc, etc, etc. It might never actually crash! Who needs sleep? Or sanity?

I can pretty much say, because it seems silly to keep the secret now. I was supposed to be going to Haiti next month. Ha! Again. I refuse to be beaten! So, evil Satan...I am not giving up on my family and my family includes Sophia! I may not see her this month or next, and it may seem like the road is not more difficult than ever but somehow, somehow we are going to bring her home. We are going to get through all of this, and we are going to be stronger and know more about where God is leading us.

Prayers for my Sean...

Yesterday Sean was injured at work. He has a relatively minor spinal injury and is still enjoying the hospitality and room service of Aurora Hospital. As of now he has to wear a lovely spinal collar and is in a tremendous amount of pain. We expect him to come home tonight but life is going to be very different around here for a while. We are thanking and praising God that the injury was not even slightly worse as they expect that he will fully recover. Another lb. of force could have put him in a wheelchair for life instead of inconveniencing us for a few weeks.

To all my praying Christian friends, we covet your prayers. Sean will not be able to work. Pray that somehow we find creative ways to make ends meet and see God's provision. Also pray for me as I care for him as well as my children and that he makes a supernaturally fast recovery. Next week when we meet with the neurologist I want to be a witness to the healing power of Jesus Christ, that we might say "Look what the Lord has done". I believe in miracles, and I believe that not only will be be able to take off his spinal collar in a week but that the scans will show no damage, no swelling. That Sean will have full use of his arms and hands and without pain.

I wanted to post a lovely picture of him in C-spine showing his forehead stitched from nose to hairline... but I took the picture with my phone and I have no idea how to get it from there to here!

Christmas in Haiti

So far God has blessed our steps and shown us continually that His plan for our family includes our Sophia. In fact God seems to be showing us a lot about His direction for our lives at the moment!

There is a plan in the works to bless the children at For His Glory Orphanage in Port Au Prince, Haiti this Christmas. Would you please consider helping us be a part of that blessing?

I will be taking donations of infant formula and small inexpensive toys and God willing getting them to Haiti by Christmas. If you can donate items or cash please let me know ASAP. If you would like more information on how to help please let me know!

Event

Please join us tomorrow, Saturday October, 20th. Two men who are walking accross thr country to lead a prayer of repentance will be making a stop in Green Bay, WI! You can hear them speak, meet them in person, and most importantly sign the "National Prayer of Repentance". For more info see www.RU4one.com

Sat., October 20th @ 6:00 PM First Assembly of God 1460 Shawano (at the corner of Shawano and Fisk.) 6:00 PM. Hope to see you there!

October Update Photo

To me it says "Are you ever coming to get me out of here"?

Melissa, Part 3

The drive home was only about an hour and a half, but it included a 2 lane mountain pass and our first try at feeding her with the g-tube!

We had shopped and shopped until we found a car seat with 2 sets of insertable pads to make it smaller and and still it seemed like she was too tiny for it. The clasps seemed way too big and she so tiny!

We stopped at a McDonalds to feed her (not a lot of choices, it was pretty much that or Carl's Jr. and the McDonalds had better lighting) The really weird thing was that Sean's Dad and step Mom were there! At the time I am sure they just thought we were totally crazy. They left after getting their food and we returned to the task at hand. It took both of us and a lot of worried effort but we managed to drip in the 2 oz she was supposed to eat. Thus beginning the ritual for every two hours for the next year.

It was an adventure, she had to eat every two hours, had Doctors appointments almost as often and she projectile vomited at nearly every feeding. At night she would sometimes stop breathing and during the day when she threw up she would aspirate the formula into her lungs and need those upside-down baby back thrusts. Sean and I used that infant CPR training almost daily. More than once we were insure she was really going to breathe again and twice we called 911. Anna was only 2 but she remembers me giving chest thrusts and breathing for her baby sister.

It was an isolating experience and there is no question why I had not noticed it had been an awful long time since my last cycle. I was feeling exhausted and nauseous and assuming it was due to the months since I last slept a whole night. But three positive pregnancy tests in a row were all it took to convince Sean we were about to be a family of 5.

Melissa's feedings got worse. I had run out of the donated breastmilk and we were feeding her a $60 per can prescription formula. My kitchen became a full hospital-grade sterilization center. We had given up on the advice of dozens of doctors and began turning away her therapists. We made a video of the whole feeding experience that was shown to a judge who granted us full authority over her care.

It was Anna's 3rd birthday, Melissa was just past her 8th month and weighed all of 11 pounds when a round cherubic girl named Zaia was born in my living room. She was just over 9 1/2 pounds. It was Wednesday at 8:00 AM. Melissa's had court the next morning at 8.00.

We contacted our social worker but were told that our presence in court was mandatory if we were to be named as her permanent placement. So, at 8:00 AM, almost exactly 24 hours after Zaia's birth we packed our bags with all of Melissa's feeding supplies, diapers for both girls, cord care supplies for Zaia and postpartum stuff for Mom and went to court. Sean asked if we could be shown some favor but was told we would have to wait to be called in order. At 4:45 we were called in. The last case of the day. It was all going to be worth it because today we would call her ours forever.

The judge stood and then sat. He read a motion by the mother for a new attorney and a new petition for her and the father to regain custody. He granted them 6 months and twice a week visitation.

Part 4...soon!

Melissa Part 2

OK, enough with the hate mail :-) I know I said "tomorrow" and then skipped a few days!

After scrubbing in to the NICU and putting on gowns and masks, etc. we were led in by one of the night nurses. She was very excited that Melissa was going to be adopted. It seemed like we walked forever, I had no idea a NICU could be so big. She was in the last plastic little isolette at the far back corner. We took a breath and looked in... my first thought was "This cannot be the correct baby!" She looked just like snow white. (the clear plastic box surrounding her added to the effect) She had lots and lots of black hair. Not wisps of baby hair but thick shiny hair, as black as an onyx stone. She had tiny little rosy lips. I had expected the cleft lip, but instead it was only the palate so her face was absolute perfection.

You can imagine our shock! Every picture my brain had inadvertently drawn was completely wrong. We stared at this beautiful fragile looking child with all her monitors and tubes, her preemie sized diaper falling off, and this little shiny heart lying on her chest. We looked at one another, we had no idea what to do now! The nurse laughed and began to detach her from all the electrodes and tubing. She offered us chairs and then she handed us our daughter. She felt so little! I didn't quite know what to do with her. As we stared at her she opened her eyes, they were so big and as black as her hair! So black that you could not find a pupil. She didn't cry. We held her and looked at her for hours, praying over her and welcoming her to our family.

Leaving that night was impossibly hard. I wanted to go back right away in the morning but we had a 2 year old at home and she was not allowed in. A few nights later we visited again, this time taking Anna and an adult friend to play with her in the waiting room. We could not take her home until two days after the g-tube was put in so we would have to wait another week. The surgeon explained what he would be doing and how she would be fed. A nurse heard that Anna was just outside in the special waiting room for families with NICU babies. She wrapped up Melissa, hiding all her tubes and wires under the blanket and secretly whisked her out to meet her big sister! Anna was quite delighted as was our friend Chris who got to see her a full week before everyone else!

(Blogspot currently will not let me put a picture here. I'll try later)

The day we picked her up was surreal! We were shown how to feed her with the g-tube. I had done this in nursing school on adults with full bags and IV-pumps but never on an infant. She was fed by gravity, a very simple system where you poured formula or breastmilk into a larger tube which led to a smaller tube into her belly. We left with a bunch of formula samples, some tubing, and a complete lack of confidence!

As we walked out the door we were met with a mountain of hospital paperwork and a car-seat inspector. We kept looking at one another wondering if anyone else noticed we were just leaving with this baby. We drove away and let out big sighs of relief. It still seemed very odd that we had a new baby. We had a lot more to learn, including having to feed her once before we even got home!

Story continues with part three...soon!

All about Melissa - Part 1

This is our second adoption. If blogs were in existence when we adopted Melissa I was unaware, and probably to busy to blog anyway! In my family there are 3 great adoption stories (including Sophia) and 3 beautiful home births. this is an adoption blog...so we'll leave the birth stories for another time and place :) Today I want to tell Melissa's story.

Before Sean and I were married we talked about things we had to do in our lives. Adoption was one of those things. We welcomed our first biological daughter not long after our second anniversary and agreed that God's timing was perfect. Despite her very fussy countenance we were so delighted with her that I longed for a sibling right away. Just after her first birthday we rejoiced with news of a second baby but miscarried not long into the pregnancy. A doctor informed us we may never carry another child to term and advised a cocktail of drugs to induce early menopause. On the heels of a home birth and still breastfeeding this advice was not easily welcomed. Sean and I prayed together and he began nightly praying health over my body... his body in spirit.

The decision to adopt was so simple I cannot remember who brought it up or how it happened. I began to research the seemingly endless list of possible ways to adopt. We considered Haiti at that time (2003) but could not imagine waiting so long for our baby to come home. We attended adoption information meetings with PACT and other agencies. We also believed that someday God would call us into full time ministry and I began nursing school with the belief that I would use my skills on the mission field. We contacted our county foster care and adoptions office "just in case" an infant became available there. We attended 6 weeks of foster care training and a social worker visited our home. We were told that on average a family would wait 2 years to adopt an infant through foster care so we continued to look into other options. I was enjoying nursing school far more than expected and busy with life when we got "the call".

A social worker explained that they had an infant who would be "nearly impossible" to place but because I was a nursing student they had to "try". I was told that they had a baby boy who was "bi-racial with facial deformations, a cleft palate, severe heart defects, a feeding tube, and a genetic syndrome that causes severe learning disabilities and possibly mental retardation." I made a little list as he talked. Sean and I had discussed adopting a child who "really needed a home" but had we ever talked about all of that? My heart raced and I heard myself saying yes in a blur. I couldn't reach Sean but before I could speak with him I received the next call, "oops, it is a baby girl but everything else was correct!" How do you make that mistake?

I talked to Sean and he also felt that this was our baby. A few days later I spoke with the hospital and received medical details so I could begin researching. We prayed for her all the time. Our family mostly thought we were crazy and urged us to reconsider. We already loved her, but it would be two weeks until we could meet her.

I got the call at about 4 in the afternoon, the birth parents rights had been terminated and we had been named legal guardians. We were now able to visit her in the NICU as her parents! I had class that night and was forced to spend 4 hours doing charts and blood pressure checks at the local hospital :( but at 10PM I was finally free and ran to my car! Sean was waiting for me and we drove the 90 miles to the hospital where our daughter waited (in far less time than it really should take). A nurse buzzed us in and we scrubbed up and put on the gowns required for the NICU. We were so nervous! So many unknowns and yet we were really meeting our daughter!

Part 2 tomorrow!

They really do come home!

While I have heard names and seen pictures of international adoptive families bringing their kids home...Just this Sunday I saw it in real life! A couple from our church, Rome and Marie finally brought home their beautiful daughter Kianna from the Philippines. They waited two long years but finally brought her home. She looks healthy and adorable and is the picture of hope for all of us who are still waiting!

It was such a great encouragement to me, I know Marie was worried that the baby they had set out to adopt would be all grown up already. She had outgrown all the sets of baby clothes they had purchased and it seemed silly to look at a crib and nursery, yet when I saw her...at 2 she is still a baby. To think that there are children like her who do not have parents...babies, growing up without anyone to call mommy or daddy. The wait IS long, and the finances ARE difficult, but these kids need families! My sacrifice is nothing compared to the life of an orphan.

Congratulations Rome and Marie!

Last fundraising post for a while :)

I promise to get back to some more interesting thoughts, rants, and new pictures but I have one last fundraising possibility that I need to mention!

I am selling a house. My parents bought it as an investment and Sean did the remodeling. I LOVE this house, in fact it was initially difficult for me to imagine selling it. I have come to realize that the house we own is a better choice for our family. It has been fun getting it all cleaned up and putting in a few special touches. I really wanted to paint the kitchen but was vetoed :) Selling this home would put us well on our way to having the adoption paid for. Even if you are not interested...take a look at the website I created for it. I hope it shows how neat it really is. http://www.3037linck.com/

As long as we are talking about real estate... Sean and my Dad built an unbelievable set of 5 condos on the fox river. They are the dream project my Dad always wanted to build. Sean has spent at least 40 hours a week there every week for the past 2 years. (Ask him about hauling all that rock!) They are ready to be sold and selling just one would pay for all of our adoption costs and our own planned home remodel! Of course a realtor is involved in the selling of these condos, however one unit has been reserved and can be sold by any member of our family or the company. I am working on a better web site, but for now the realtor has them listed at http://www.micoleyandcompany.com/Nav.aspx/Page=%2fListNow%2fProperty.aspx%3fPropertyID%3d1560414%26

Thanks for staying with me. Even if you cannot think of anyone who needs a house, could you pray God's supernatural wisdom for me as I try to sell these homes? Someone is going to buy them, which means someone will get credit for selling them! It might as well be me!

Sounds like Music

Not adoption related, but yesterday my very dramatic daughter Anna found out
She has gotten the part of Gretl in The Sound of Music!

Performances will not be until April and will be held at St. Norberts College, however she will also be singing in the choir for the Holiday Pops concert at the Weidner Center on December 8th. What an awesome opportunity!

When I asked her how her first rehearsal for the Sound of Music went, she said it was "Just perfect because her place is right out in front".

I grew up in public schools and worried that she might miss out out on things like drama, choir, and other activities. So far, homeschooling seems to present far more of these opportunities! She is only six years old and acting in her second play on a real stage and will be singing in a huge choir on stage at the type of prestigious venue many people have not even visited as a spectator!

The Sound of Music is being put on by "Performers Workshop" where Anna belongs to a home school drama group. She is learning singing, acting, stage direction as well as what goes on back stage.

So far this is my favorite part about home schooling. Aside from the obvious math, science, reading type stuff we are doing a unit study on Haiti to prepare for the Geography Fair, Anna loves Fridays because our home school group has PE and she gets to play soccer for a full 2 hours! Melissa is doing gymnastics and proving that while speech may be a challenge her tiny size allows her to run and jump and climb and roll with amazing skill and confidence. I love that they are learning in such creative ways and building confidence in who they are.

So sad...

I have been living on a hope...I had plans to travel to Haiti this month. I was traveling with another person who had access to the orphanage and said she could use help for a few days. I was going to meet my daughter, hold her. I knew it would give me renewed strength and energy for the work ahead. I should have booked the ticket by now but didn't know if I had the $$ until last night. I had been given dates, times and flight numbers.
Today I found out there will be no trip and no plans for one. I don't really know what to think. At least I don't own a useless non-refundable trip to Haiti.

Holiday Pies!

As I look around at the beautiful fall colored leaves and smell the changing crisp fall air...I know that in just a blink the holidays will be here. It is an ever present reminder...almost pressing on me that one of our family is not at home.

So, I plan to take it out on my kitchen! I will be selling pies for Thanksgiving! (or any other time between now and then)I really do love to bake and have received many compliments on my pies and cheesecakes. So, rather than buy frozen or go to a bakery (or even make your own :) please consider ordering your pies from me this year! Choices will be as follows:

Apple: My brother claims I make the best apple pie in the whole world. a yummy old-fashioned double-crust apple pie. $8.00

Pumpkin: The classic. Made from fresh pumpkins not canned! $6.00

Pecan: Gooey and crunchy and salty - Oh My! $10.00

Jenee's triple delight Thanksgiving pie: For those who simply cannot choose! Three layers, New York style cheesecake, pumpkin custard, and a top layer of pecan pie. All in a buttery crust. Really, it's worth it. $14.00

Cheesecake: Three varieties: Plain, cranberry, or pumpkin. Cheesecakes are baked in a 10 inch springform pan with home-made spiced crusts. I promise they are among the best! Picture above is my own vanilla bean - available on request with or with decorations. $12.00

Organic requests will be delightfully honored, however an additional ingredient charge will be added. Delivery is possible in the local area for a fee. Special requests can be honored. For obvious reasons I cannot ship! Three day advance notice needed for all orders.

The fund raising continues...

Thank you to everyone who donated or purchased items from our garage sale! We made about $300, not bad! We still have some of the larger items listed on craigslist so it may be even better.

We have some new fun ideas in the works...so stay tuned! Holiday fundraisers to come!

Fund Raising Day!

Today we are having a big garage sale to help with adoption costs. Anna will be selling lemonade and cookies (and getting a great math lesson in the process). We have quite a bit of stuff and a few appliances and bigger $$ items. Many of our church families made donations as well as some of the ladies in my Mom's group. Every little bit helps!

So, if you know me personally and live in the area...please stop by! I am still taking donations today and who knows, you might just find that *whatever* you have been looking for!

Anna's Prayer Pins

Anna really wanted to help us raise money to bring Sophia home. She has been making jewelry in the colors of the Haitian flag! We have handed out a lot of these little pins as reminders to pray for Sophia and for all the orphans who need families! Please consider ordering one of Anna's pins to help us with our findraising. More of her jewelry will be posted soon!

Suggested donation: $1.00 plus .50 for first class shipping.
You can use the paypal button on the home page, make sure addresses are included!

September picture

Each month when the new pictures come out I search through them, looking for her sweet face, afraid that somehow this month I will not recognize her or that there will not be a picture. Then I will flip from one block of pictures to the next and spot her. The fear disappears and I search her face, each part of her picture for the answers to all my questions. What is she like? When will I hold her? Is she OK? The pictures don't say. No one does. Oh, sure, updates come occasionally. Another parent visits and they say "I saw her and she looks great" or maybe even send me a great picture or the ever-so-precious video. Yet, my questions go un-answered. What child ever acted naturally when a camera was shoved in their face? Sometimes I almost forget her, as if she was something I made up in my head and not a real person. Sometimes I wake up from a dream of being with her and my soul aches to have her home. The pain sometimes hurts deep in my stomach, makes me nauseous. Today is one of those days.

Our newest picture, September 2007

More posts soon...I promise!

I have been very busy with the start of school, Etc. but I have lots to post. For today, however I had to share this. This Dr. visited our Orphanage with the last missions trip.

A Journey Through the World's Most Miserable SlumWhat Next for Haiti's Cite Soleil?By Dr. JOHN CARROLL, MDOn February 7 I looked over the balcony rail from the second floorof our clinic in Cite Soleil. Five UN (MINUSTAH) tanks werepatrolling the streets directly below us and passing by slowly insingle file. Their guns were not aimed at the clinic like usual as Itook their picture. A TV cameraman from Channel 4 in London took along video of them as they passed and waved.Despite the friendly waves, two days later, in the early morninghours, 700 UN forces, mainly Brazilian, entered the slum and had afierce gun battle with a gang in the Boston region of Cite Soleil.The shooting lasted for hours. All the main roads into the Soleilwere blocked by tanks. People were allowed out on foot and were notallowed to return until late afternoon when the shooting hadstopped.The UN was successful in destroying a prominent gang leaders base inan area of Soleil known as Boston but was unsuccessful in capturingor killing him. Apparently one civilian was killed and two UNsoldiers were injured.The gangs in Soleil shot thousands of rounds of ammunition at theUN. The gangs have M-14's, 9 mm weapons, 38's, American-stylemachine guns, and hand grenades. I have seen these weapons up closeand personal and they appear even more menacing in the hands ofshirtless, 19-year-old young men, who are hungry and on the run-being hunted by UN forces. The UN tanks have 50 mm machine guns andon Friday they had a remote control airplane circling Soleil.Cite Soleil is considered one of the poorest and most dangerousslums in the world. The UN has peacekeeping forces in many parts ofthe world, but from what I understand, Haiti is the only countrywhere the UN has a peace keeping mission which has taken on heavilyarmed gangs.The shooting and war that is occurring in Soleil now is horrific.Hundreds of thousands of people are trapped inside this slum payinghomage to the gangs and their soldiers or are running from thebullets from the MINUSTAH tanks and automatic weapons. However, theviolence hurts the people of Soleil in so many other ways than justdeath and injury from bullets.Father Tom Hagan has a program here in Haiti called Hands Together.Father Tom has eight schools in Soleil, a medical clinic, and feeds10,000 children each day in this massive slum.On Friday, he was unable to enter Soleil in a vehicle and so hewalked in and was able to free up food for eight thousand peoplefrom his two main feeding centers. A radio station in Cite Soleilmade announcements that food would be given out as usual to hisstudents in those two areas.One of Father Tom's centers is in the Bois Neuf area of Soleil.After freeing this food, Father walked down the middle of the mainroad in Soleil, saying the rosary, and opened his other feedingcenter at Soleil 24. There was no traffic except UN tanks. Forty UNtanks were inside and outside of Soleil at that point.Father's schools were closed because his teachers could not get inthe slum. And with the shooting, parents were afraid to send theirkids to school. It says quite a bit when Haitian parents are toofrightened to send their kids to school because that means noeducation and probably very little food that day for their children.People delivering food into Soleil were not allowed in on February7, and so the women who sell in the main market had nothing to selleven if they could have during the barrage of bullets. This weekend,there has been very little food for hundreds of thousands of people.In an area of Soleil called the Wharf, The Daughters of Charity havesix sisters who do incredible work. They have a medical clinic thatsees several hundred children a day for acute medical problems. Theyalso have a pediatric vaccination program and a malnutrition programfor 50 very malnourished babies. They provide two hot meals forthese babies Monday through Friday. While the babies are napping,their mothers participate in a well-organized sewing program,designed to teach them a skill.The sisters also have a school in Soleil near the clinic that has600 students. Each day the sisters provide 1,200 hot meals for thekids in their schools and programs.None of this happened on Friday. The medical clinic was closed. Theschool was closed. The malnutrition program was closed. Nobody gotfed. And most of these people had no food in their homes thisweekend either.One of the sisters had a scheduled vacation to her home country inSouth America and had to walk out of the slum with her suitcase inher hand amid the gun fire. She was picked up outside the slum by adriver who took her to the airport.A friend of ours who runs an orphanage four miles from Soleil wasbesieged by twenty women from Soleil who had snuck out of the slumwith their babies asking her to take their kids, feed them, cleanthem, and put them up for adoption. Our friend had to deny theirrequests because she already has over 100 children in the orphanageand absolutely no where to put these kids or give them adequatecare. They all had to return to Soleil.Today, Sunday, Father Tom picked me up and we went to Soleil in hisjeep. He says mass on Sunday mornings at Saint Ann's which is in theback part of Soleil called Soleil 17.We easily entered Soleil from route National One. There were no UNtanks blocking the entrance.The main street in Soleil seemed quiet with fewer people. However,the machan-women street merchants-were selling at their market nearBois Neuf. However, it did not appear that there was much food tosell.We went down Soleil 1 and turned left on Soleil 17. We saw noMINUSTAH tanks or our way to church. St Ann's is one block down thestreet on the right. The church is a large structure on a corner.There were no other cars around and gang members from that area saton the corner and wandered in and out of church. Every one seemedunconcerned.The altar in the church is simple but there is a beautiful crucifiedBlack Jesus on the cross painted on the wall behind the altar. Redblood pours from his hands and the wound on his right side. Therewere about 150 people at mass, mostly children and elderly ladies.After Mass, I spoke with the local gang leader and his soldiers and,they all claimed they were hungry and the thousands of people theycontrol are hungry. They also think that if they lay down theirarms, MINUSTAH will arrest them, turn them over to the HaitianNational Police, and they will be tortured and die in the HaitianPenitentary.The look on their faces is hard, cold, and scared. I asked them whatthey thought MINUSTAH was going to do next, and the gang leadershrugged his shoulders, looked at the ground, and said he didn'tknow.Father Tom hopes to be able to bring in dry food into Soleiltomorrow, which will be bags of rice and beans, and distribute itwith the help of the gang soldiers.Father Tom and I then walked through the slum. While we were on apaved road, two UN tanks quietly came down the street. The soldierswaved at us. Their guns were not pointed at the homes or people orus. The tranquility had to be appreciated by the worn out populationof Soleil.We walked into the back neighborhoods where we were surrounded bychildren and one gang member continued to walk with us. A ladyapproached and asked me if I would examine her daughter.I turned around and walked back with her and stepped into her shack.Lying on a bed was her 19 year old daughter who was shot in theback, abdomen, and left arm by MINUSTAH on December 27 as she satoutside her shanty. She was hospitalized at St. Catherine's, a smallhospital in Soleil, where she underwent abdominal surgery and washospitalized for 8 days.She was lying on a small bed with perspiration covering her foreheadin this hellhole. She complained of abdominal pain and said she isnot able to eat. Her surgical dressing is still in place and shesaid she has an appointment tomorrow at St. Catherine's.Her 3 month old baby girl was lying at her feet. The baby had nothad milk in four days because she says she has no breast milk andthey have no powdered milk in the one room shack which serves astheir home. I saw the empty tin can of Alaska powdered milk next toher bed. They have been giving the baby some boiled water and mashedup cookies in water. The baby seemed fairly content under thecircumstances.I told the 19 year old mom and her mother that I would find the babysome powdered milk and bring it to them.Father and I continued on and arrived in the Boston section of CiteSoleil and then crossed over to another district of Soleil calledBeleco. I went over and talked to a Beleco gang of soldiers. Theyimmediately asked me what I was going to do for them. They werearmed and are the soldiers of the escaped gang leader Evans who ishiding in the slum. They said they are hungry also.People are loyal to Evans. Even though he kills and extorts money,he still feeds thousands of people. He is hidden among them now andno one will say where he is. His name isn't even mentioned. However,the people of the slum fear him and his soldiers less than they doMINUSTAH which shoot to kill from their big white tanks that passthrough their neighborhoods.While I was talking to the soldiers of Evans' gang, a 40 year oldlady with a low voice asked me if I would check her mother, who wasvery sick. As I was walking to her shack in the maze that neverseems to end in Soleil, I stumbled onto a lady selling te (earth)which are circular 5 inch diameter pies made of mud with butter andsalt mixed in. They are baked in the sun. They are made right in theslum to stem people's hunger. They offered me one which I declined.A pretty 20 year old girl took a big bite of one of these toxicpatties, chewed it up and swallowed it while she smiled at me.I followed the lady with the sick mother and arrived at their shackabout 30 yards from the road.. Her 62 year old mother lay on thefloor next to a bed lying on her right side. She was covered withflies and groaning softly. Her family obviously could not give herany significant care. They said she was not eating and could notstand.When I examined her on the floor, she was lethargic and had a hardmass in her abdomen that seemed to be originating from her liver.The family showed me some worthless medication she was taking.The family carried her to Father Tom's vehicle and we loaded her inback. As we left Soleil, the gang members from Boston waved andsmiled as they walked down the road. We took her to a home for dyingand abandoned adults run by the Missionaries of Charity in adifferent part of PAP. This Sisters graciously accepted her and herdeath will be easier now than it would been on her floor in Soleil.So what to do----This is all a dynamic, tricky business. The focus is on the gangsand their soldiers and the UN soldiers. However, these two fightingfactions represent only a miniscule of the people affected. Hundredsof thousands of people's lives and well being are at stake now. Whatwill this week bring? There is no tomorrow for Soleil unless soundand beneficent decisions are made within the next few days.The UN should bring in massive amounts or rice and beans and startfeeding the starving people of Cite Soleil. tomorrow morning(Monday).They should do all they can to provide clean water. Theyshould build roads and create a sewer system for Soleil.MINUSTAH should stop their indiscriminate shooting in densely packedneighborhoods of innocent people. They need to get down off theirtanks and walk into the maze of poverty with real human beingsliving inside.MASH-type medical clinics need to be set up by MINUSTAH, which couldtake care of the vast majority of medical problems found in the slumnow.Where is the Catholic Church? Catholic leaders from Haiti and allover the Americas need to come here, walk through Soleil and visitthe people. They need to have meetings with MINUSTAH and the gangleaders. The Church needs to promote meaningful dialogue and changenow for the poor that are begging for their help.Will the people continue to starve as they offer their babies up foradoption or will meaningful dialogue occur? If people don't starttalking tomorrow morning in Haiti's slum and agree to stop all ofthe violence, the despair and death in Soleil hasn't even started.Dr. John Carroll, an American doctor who works in some of the mostoppressed areas of Haiti, can be reached through the DyinginHaitiwebsite.

A video of our beautiful girl.

You can see a little video of her at:

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=36d7a78e743c2b07650ae8&skin_id=701&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=email>