Sunday, September 16, 2007

September picture

Each month when the new pictures come out I search through them, looking for her sweet face, afraid that somehow this month I will not recognize her or that there will not be a picture. Then I will flip from one block of pictures to the next and spot her. The fear disappears and I search her face, each part of her picture for the answers to all my questions. What is she like? When will I hold her? Is she OK? The pictures don't say. No one does. Oh, sure, updates come occasionally. Another parent visits and they say "I saw her and she looks great" or maybe even send me a great picture or the ever-so-precious video. Yet, my questions go un-answered. What child ever acted naturally when a camera was shoved in their face? Sometimes I almost forget her, as if she was something I made up in my head and not a real person. Sometimes I wake up from a dream of being with her and my soul aches to have her home. The pain sometimes hurts deep in my stomach, makes me nauseous. Today is one of those days.

Our newest picture, September 2007




5 comments:

Kathy Cassel said...

Hope you will get to meet her next trip.

lori shepler - said...

praying for you as we've gone through 'the wait' 3 times now for our haitian daughter & are now waiting for 2 more sisters to arrive into the family (my parents are taking 1 - madisyn - who'll be my sister & the other will be adopted by my sil/bil - loudnie - who'll be my niece) so even though 'we're done, the family isn't!!

lori

Anonymous said...

I totally know what you are feeling.

Gombojav Tribe said...

She still looks like the little girl from the first picture. That must be comforting...she's not growing up TOO fast.

Heather said...

I think I have some photos of her from my November 2006 trip. Can you send me your email address? mine is heather@hmstudios.com We are adopting Santiana, Santianise and Sophia Joseph