Wondering...

Sean's reaction to the news about Sophia was not suprising. He simply said "Then we are done". He does not believe we should continue to persue an adoption from Haiti. I am giving him time. I know that while he may not exhibit the obvious signs of hurt and shock that I do, he is hurting just as much. It will be hard for either of us to transfer those emotions to the adoption of another child. Just Sunday night he told his family. My Mom talked to my Dad. Somehow telling the people in our family who we expected to disapprove made the adoption that much more real. Of course they were all told about Sophia, about the name, birth date, etc. These are not people with faith in God. It actually worried me that they might think we did not hear from God, or worse that we did and he let us down. It is hard for us to understand. Last night I noticed those obvious signs of shock. My food did not taste, I failed to notice anything about the temperature of the house, and my blood pressure was so high at bedtime that I could hear the thuds in my pillow. I do not know the reason for this journey. I would much rather we did not have to take it! I want to open the mailbox and take out the referral contract and pictures we expected to receive this week, to hear that once again it was all a big mistake, that our daughter is waiting for us.

There are a lot of orphans in Haiti, and they all need homes. I expect that we will heal and accept a referral, and that whatever her story, it will not be long before we cannot imagine life without that child in it.