On adoption boards people often use the term "paper pregnant" for the time after a referral is received until the child comes home. In some ways it is true, you get to announce to the world that you are going to have another child in the family. Certainly the trials and stresses are equal to or greater than a physical pregnancy, and there is definitely labor involved!
However there is one big difference, at least for us. Each time Sean and I have become pregnant, our news was met with joy and congratulations. Our culture mandates this response! Sure, there are probably people who walked away and changed "It will be so nice to have your kids so close together" to "Can you believe she is pregnant again, and so soon?"
So why in adoption is everyone allowed their honest opinion? Some have said it is because adoption is a choice that we are willingly making, or could have easily waited on. Others have suggested they do not disagree with "adoption" but feel that with all we have going on, it just does not seem like the right time. One person even suggested they felt it was unfair to the children we already have, another that families should not have more than 3 children.(we already have 4!)
Last night I felt despair. I believe in listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are saying. I trust their advice. I would likely tell someone that if many of their Christian friends had expressed to them that they felt a mistake was being made... that they should as least consider the possibility.
For me the worst has not even been the outward spoken comments. It has been prayer time with those we trust. People who have not said anything negative, but when praying over us say things like "Lord, let Sean and Jenee see that their life is full of wonderful blessings and that this is a time for concentrating on those things without adding to them".
I want of heed the wise counsel of the Christians around me, but I want to trust God more. I am very aware that God uses people to influence, to warn, and to speak from him. So, when we speak of our adoption and see the faces of those we trust cloud over, look uncomfortable, and then change the subject... Well, Lord, you are going to have to speak to me more clearly than that... because I still think you are telling me that this is my daughter!
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5 comments:
I hardly think you need to heed the feelings or advice of people (even Christians) who see children as a liability rather than a blessing! They arbitrarily stopped having children and cut off their own blessings. So, why do they have any say in your "family planning"?
You need to learn a phrase: "This is a personal family decision, made in the O'Carroll family." Or maybe take a cue from a more juvenile response of "This is an A B decision. C your way out of it!" LOL
{{Jenee}} I have never, ever posted a comment on someone's blog, but I just had to encourage you. The Word says children are a BLESSING! Why in the world would you want to STOP God's blessings from coming to you?! Of course you would NOT...you ARE trusting God...and those who would say that you should not be pursuing this adoption are saying things contrary to the WORD. It doesn't matter whether they are Christians or not, if it is contrary to the Word it is WRONG...stick to the WORD my dear! You can NEVER go wrong with God's BLESSINGS in your life!
I'm so sorry that you've received such responses. People (even Christians) can be so thoughtless. Do they think they hear from God on your behalf?
I've found that God often asks me to do things that seem crazy & illogical. Once I announce God's plan as my own, I come up against some huge opposition, and most of it from people I love and trust. But once I step out in faith, He blesses me with more than I even asked for.
My prayer for you & Sean is that you continue to have the energy & strength to move forward in His plan for your family. That Sophia fit right in place with your kids that are all ready at home and any He blesses you with in the future. That you recognize the enemy will pull out all the stops to try to stop this adoption, including using Christians to wear you down instead of lift you up. But that you always remember HE HAS OVERCOME, that HIS WILL BE DONE.
Thank you, thank you for your encouragement. We were not planning to back down! It really means a lot to have you behind us. I wish I could express better how much your thoughts and prayers mean right now.
I understand wanting to take seriously what other Brothers and Sisters are saying, but you must recognize that these comments are not "in Christ." Being Christian doesn't mean that everything that proceeds from your mouth is ordained. I pray that your witness to these Brothers will enlighten their Faith and increase their cardinal virtues of Hope and Love.
With five of my own, we get this sort of thing a lot. People cannot understand why we would not do something to "fix" the situation. The world does not understand the mindset that bearing children, through birth or adoption, is not something to fix. I can honestly say that none of our children have been planned. They have been sent along on God's timetable, not mine. I would be ashamed to rely on myself, I would have missed so many blessings! How could I live without Ollie's jokes and drama? How much darker the world would be without Simon's bright smile and cheerful disposition! And I'm sure Paul will do great things with his determination and strength. What shocks me the most is that the comments we most often receive are from our parents who are 3rd or 5th born. These individuals should not exist if their own parents followed their designs!
I trust that you are in God's will in this. I pray that you will be bold and stand firm in your faith, shielded from these firey darts others are tossing your way.
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