Racism, part 2. The lighter stuff...

Children are not by nature "racist" at least not by the the negative, judgemental connotations the word brings up. That is not to say children are not curious about differences! So, I thought I would share some humorous moments from our house.

Recently we were talking about Haiti. Anna, as usual, was asking dozens of questions. She was very interested in the differences in the way Haitians live vs. Americans. After talking for about 15 minutes Zaia spoke up. "Do they have heads"? She asked?!?!?!?! I stared at her and blinked..."The people of Haiti"? I asked? Her big innocent eyes looked at me, waiting sincerely for a response. After assuring her that the people did have heads and were really just like us, she continued to ask questions. "Do they have bones?... Toes? Do they wear clothes? Eat food?

Anna has been most curious about Sophia's hair. We recently were looking at a website to order some beads and accessories for the girls at the orphanage. The site had pages of ideas for styling "ethnic" hair. (I don't really get why that term is used...) Anna loved some of the styles and asked if I could make her hair like that. While some could be adapted, her hair is corn-silk fine and blond! So, when we said hello to a family at swimming lessons (that we had not previously met) a few days later she was overwhelmed by curiosity and dug her fingers into their daughters black hair!

Anna has a strong heart for missions and is very, very curious about the world. This, however often translates instead to "cultural insensitivity"by most of who are primed to see it that way. She makes innocent comments that have been misunderstood more than once. I was very grateful to a man from Africa who took time to answer her question "Kaluba? Why are you SO black"? and very uncomfortable when she asked another little girl "Are you Chinese or something, because you don't look like your Mom". (The girl and her mother were insulted and gave me dirty looks every class after that) She has also pointed out "Look Mom, this is the littlest old lady I have ever seen" once (running up and touching her) and yelled "Hola!" to a child on the playground who looked possibly Hispanic. While visiting the Atlanta Zoo she exclaimed loudly "There sure are a lot of Black people here!"

While somehow I must teach her about appropriate ways to ask her questions, I do not really want to quell her curiosity. Her observations and questions are valid, in fact I would rather she grows up appreciating the differences in many cultures. It would be a lamentable error to teach my children to ignore the customs, dress, food, or even appearance of those who seem to be "different" than us. However it would be far more regrettable to allow my children to believe that differences in appearance define the way that a person lives or believes.

Racism.

This post goes round and round in my head. Then I am not sure if I am ready to say what I mean, I fear perhaps it will sound disconnected and rambling. So I am just going to go for it.

I do not know if I have ever really known of or believed in racism. I'm white (shocking, I know :) and of course I know about the history of our country. I have read books, both fiction and truth that spoke of the many battles involved in securing equal rights. I have heard my share of racial slurs and jokes. I know there are statistics that tell us white men still have an advantage in the work place and the stereotypes are rampant. But I don't think it ever made sense to me.

Growing up I went to schools with kids who were white. (Sean on the other hand was one of 3 white kids!) Looking back I know that among my closer friends one boy's parents were from Thailand, one girl was adopted from Guatemala and another guy was Native American. The mere fact that those details stand out says volumes. However, at the time I do not think we noticed or cared outside of school assignments that asked us to identify our backgrounds. My father often used terms that sounded awful and racist, however I never once witnessed him acting out that prejudice. He was a business man and through his associates I was introduced to the food and culture of people from around the world. I knew that despite his insensitive comments he really respected (or at times detested) people as individuals.

Once I left my parents home I moved to Madison, WI. Madison is a wonderful multicultural city, and while there is no doubt the population is less diverse than some cities there is an abundance of equality and acceptance. Never was a person's race an issue with my friends, peers or in any job. Pokes and digs were exchanged quite fairly!

So why talk about his now? I guess I am getting an education, and maybe it is better now than later. Of course we knew that a Haitian child would "stand out" in our family. However, so does our first adopted daughter. We have gotten used to the questions "Why doesn't she look like you" or "Where is she from" (While I answer honestly about her adoption, Sean takes pleasure in giving random answers that leave people confused) and I expected the same would be true.

Many people have asked questions. Some valid, some very rude. I have learned that many people, including Christians categorize other humans by preconceived ideas about the color (and hue) of their skin! I probably should not be shocked by this, but I really am. A few people have asked what "The people look like" in Haiti. I don't quite know what to say. I know they mean race, but, what to the people in Germany look like? How about Mexico, Australia?

The issue most often raised to us is if it is fair to her to be adopted by a white family. I am not sure if it is "fair". Our family visited a "black church" while we were looking for a church in a new town. It was intentional, we had heard the church referred to as "The Black Church". We were unprepared however for the record-scratching-to-a-stop pause when we, a noticeably large white family walked in the door. We smiled and introduced ourselves and ultimately enjoyed the service quite a bit. As we left a woman asked us why we would come there. Sean said "we were just looking for a good church". I think that is what people mean by "fair". We do not look the same. She will occasionally have to explain why her parents and siblings do not look like her. If she does experience racism we will not be able to speak from previous experience, there will be misconceptions. Without a doubt there are things that will be difficult.

All that said, who is to say a child from Russia or the Ukraine would not experience these same things!!! Since when do all white people look so generic than any white child, chosen at random could be assumed to be genetically mine? People have suggested we could have adopted an Asian child. Sure, they would look just like my blond haired, green eyed daughter. We would never have to explain an adoption. Sorry, sarcastic anger taking over....

Our daughter Sophia has lost both of her natural parents. She has scars from living an extremely difficult young life. Many, many children like her will not live to be adopted. That is what is unfair. That her absolutely beautiful dark skin would cause someone to turn her away, is more "unfair" than I can deal with. The rest is just life.

To share some experiences:

while speaking with a woman I mentioned we were adopting from Haiti. She looked uncomfortable and then replied "I have a neighbor from the Philippines". Confused, I asked if her neighbor was adopting. She said. "No, I just know her". And what??? Both Islands? We both dropped it.

An area family is adopting from Russia. They were having a fundraiser selling fireworks for the 4th of July. I wanted to support them so we found their tent and bought some things. We were the only people there so I shared that we also were adopting internationally. They seemed excited and asked where from. When I replied "Haiti" everything changed. The man took two steps back and said he could never have "adopted a child from that climate". I didn't get it so I told him that we were hoping to bring her home is the summer so the cold and snow were not such a shock! He stared blankly at me and I wondered what I missed. I figured it out on the way home.

My husband was speaking with a couple who we knew had adopted their son. He told them we were adopting again and they were happy. Sean mentioned Haiti and the man stopped him, telling him that if he had known we wanted a "black child" he could have gotten us one for $500.

I could go on and on, there are worse stories. I never knew! Just this week I read of a star college football player who is receiving threats because he plans to marry his cheerleader girlfriend who is white. A white family who adopted a Haitian child received similar threats. How is it possible that this still exists? Between multi-racial marriages and international adoptions, mixed race families are hardly unusual today. I guess the fact the the world could condemn people for something so inconsequential doesn't surprise me, but the fact that church going Christians can behave this way, and not even know it is wrong. I don't get it.

Haiti? It is a country... South of Florida...

I have always liked history and geography. I like to think I have at least a general sense of where most places in the world are. I also have a heart for missions... so I really want to know where people are talking about!

(Don't get me wrong, The first time I heard missionaries speak about Myanmar I had to look it up and the mention of Kirabati or Eritrea during the Olympic opening ceremonies causes me to scratch my head and realize just how little I know about the whole world around me. )

Perhaps it is because of the time that I lived in South Florida, or maybe it is because my Dad spends a lot of time watching the South Florida/ Caribbean weather and fishing reports; but I have just assumed most people know what/where Haiti is. At least a good general idea.

Tonight a woman asked me if I had 4 or 5 kids. I had 4 kids with me, and she may have seen me previously with my (now adult) step-daughter. I laughed and told her both were true. We have 4 children at home and are in the process of adopting a fifth from Haiti.

She repeated the question, so...do you have 4 or 5 then? Then it hit me, the issue I cannot get used to. There are Americans who have never heard of Haiti... I backed up and explained... we are adopting a daughter but she is not home yet because we are adopting her from a country called Haiti. It is an Island off the Southern coast of Florida. I received a very blank stare. She asked "Why do you have a child there?" I guess the answer "She was born there" did not sit all that well with her because she looked even more confused and I had to walk away.

It happens every day. Usually it is because my daughter Anna tells everyone about her sister in Haiti, but I hear the craziest questions!

Where is Haiti?
What is Haiti?
Is it a country?
Where is it?
Is that near China?
Were they part of Russia?
Is Haiti a state? (My personal favorite!)
What do they look like? (post to follow about this!!!)
I thought it was Cuba that was south of Florida...

I am astounded at the very large number of people who are so oblivious the countries so very near our own. I do not expect that most of us could correctly label all of the Caribbean Islands. But I do think we ought to know more than that Jamaica is a nice place to get a sun tan! (It might be very fun to stand at the Jamaica Air terminal and ask people to point out on a map the place they were traveling to...)

I once read that a staggering number of US students were unable to correctly point out the Atlantic Ocean on a map, and that bothers me! When I was in high school we had to take a mandatory 3 semesters of Wisconsin history and government, but only one semester of world history.

So, without ranting a whole bunch or becoming mean and sarcastic... Here is a map.

At the top is Florida, Miami and key west are labeled. Haiti is right in the middle on the Island of Hispaniola. The portion of the island that makes up the country of Haiti is said to be the "Jewel of the Caribbean" the most beautiful place among these beautiful tropical islands. How sad that it would also be the poorest country in the western hemisphere.

So, to those of you who have wondered which island, and those of you who wondered which continent... Now you know! (It is in North America, BTW)

Next thing done.

I have completed and assembled all the paperwork for our agency. I need one thing notarized, but that is easy enough to do tomorrow before I mail them all. It is a big step, but it also means the beginning of the real work. The dossier list (all the papers that go to Haiti including the home study) is not exactly difficult but it will take some odd chasing around of papers were sure no one would ever ask for in a million years!

My Kids favorite picture:

My kids love this picture. I think it foreshadows afternoons chasing each other around the house and yard. It just shows a playfulness that they could identify right away. Anna broke into delighted laughter as soon as I turned the computer around. "Look Mom! Sophia knows how to play leviathan!" Zaia simply thought she was "Being a monster" and Melissa followed suit by raising her arms and growling back before giggling and running off. I love it, LOVE IT!

The all new For His Glory Video!!!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

For His Glory Newsletter

I tried this link and it does seem to work. Let me know if anyone has trouble!

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/kKCmRltDrgb_yBOoJetDDldP3Q3gHwn2bn0J8Fz7P8cuEy6psaFLOD3YthYASw494RSWga0hKfcKHKVcZSIfnRpBU6uhgoqR2uhuIT_mS31sBEer/FHG_Jul_Newsletter.pdf

Monday's failures...

If I were being graded on my Christan or responsible behavior today I would have failed completely. It has not been a terribly unhappy day, but certainly and unsettling one!

I agreed to fast Mondays. Sunday night an unexpected out of town guest arrived. In caring for my guest I made special lunch/ dinner plans and didn't remember the fast until late afternoon. I then felt very guilty.

Monday night I teach a childbirth class. I was deep into making a special Indian dish when... unexpectedly my students began to arrive! My whole house smelled like curry!

While teaching my class I remembered that as "Crisis care coordinator" in our church I was supposed be at a local hospital (at just that moment) praying for a woman after her surgery. I was able to send Sean in my place but DUH!!!

My guest asked if my children were done in the bathroom so that she could shower. I then remembered that earlier in the day I had sprayed the walls and tub with bathroom cleaner but gotten distracted and never returned to it!

I mis-remembered the measurements for Joe's bedroom and bought 45 feet of wallpaper border. The room measures 46 feet. It was on clearance, there is no more. Time to be creative I guess.

I have tried to put up a new video here about our orphanage. It comes in two easy to use or post formats. At this time I cannot get either to work or post.

Hopefully Tuesday will be a much more successful day!

This is What its all about!

Ok, not exactly about adoption...

Tonight near the end of church Joe was getting tired of sitting and began to fight for his freedom. Prayer was beginning and so was the worship team. I walked a few minutes with a squirming 18 month old boy in arms and gratefully redirected him to the worship music that was getting louder as prayer concluded.

Sing Joe! I encouraged. He looked at me and just as I prepared myself for him to yell or scream to get down he began to sing. Quietly at first, at then with more confidence he sang "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus"! I applauded him with tears in my eyes. He gets it! Despite the name of "Jesus" not being in the actual song we were singing... he got it. At worship time we sing about Jesus!

Keeping 4 little ones in church each week is a challenge, but one we feel we must succeed at. I do not mind nursery, and my kids have enjoyed occasional "children's church" very much, however I believe what they have had to learn sitting next to us week by week is more valuable.

On the practical side, my children know how to sit quietly for an hour or more when needed! This has come in handy when forced to visit the social security office, DMV, or other locations where sitting quietly is the only option. It has also helps when our pastor insists both of us attend an important meeting for which no childcare can be found.

While the practical lessons have good benefit, it is for the spiritual lessons I feel they need to be in service.

Let me digress a minute... Our church has a good children's ministry. We are blessed to have congregation where the children outnumber the adults! We have teachers who are gifted in working with children and many children will hear the gospel and be led by these people who have given their time and energy (and often funds) to reach these kids. I do not want to take away from the fantastic work they do or the opportunity that this ministry provides for parents who need to hear the Word of God preached without interruption or distraction. In fact, it is not unusual for these children to lead their parents to church!

For our family we feel it is important that our children see their parents actively worship, that they see us occasionally broken before God, or raising hands in adoration. Children are famous for emulating the actions rather than the words of their parents. Most children constantly look around them trying to determine the adult characteristics and attributes they want to display. So, while services directed at toddlers, children, youth, or teens might provide a more interesting format, I fear that they do not set up an example for those children to grow and walk in to. A generation of mega churches with amazing children's ministry have produced few adults dedicated to serving Christ.

For fear of leaving out the obvious, we must also continue to demonstrate real faith in our homes. Our kids must see us pray, read the bible, live out the words we speak. It is SO scary to me! But our children are our ultimate disciples! They are, even now, serving as our apprentices and interns. I know I have failed at times, I have had to ask their forgiveness, and I am quite sure I will again. Our children do not need to see perfection, but they do need to see us serving a real God, both at home and in church.

We used to have daily worship time together and Anna has mentioned that she misses it more than once. Tonight as I tried to instruct and direct them during church worship I knew something was missing. (I was also reminded when a friend asked me to call her after she had finished her daily praise and worship time with her children!) So, with Monday's fast begins daily worship again... because ultimately: This is what it is all about! Raising children who who not only believe in God but who who have a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Children who will not have to begin learning how to serve God when they reach adulthood but who have been serving Him so long that they cannot act any other way.

2 Timothy 3:14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, 15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

Trip to Haiti?

We had hoped that there would be a winter trip to Haiti with our orphanage that just happened to be during the time that Sean had a break from school. We have been sort of planning for this but waiting on the details.

This week Sean's program at Southeastern University announced that they were planning a missions trip to Port Au Prince, Haiti during their Christmas break! They will be working on a number of projects including helping an orphanage (not ours).

After talking to the missions coordinator at For His Glory adoption outreach we found out that there will not be any trips scheduled this winter. So... that leaves the question... should he go with his class?

On the one hand we have to say God is providing a way. There is a trip to Haiti planned at exactly the time he wanted to go and to the city he planned to go to (not to mention getting some school credit). On the other hand we had thought he would be going with For His Glory and would have ample time to spend with Sophia and get to know her. If he goes with his class he will be very, very limited by both their schedule and our orphanage. For security reasons family can not just "drop by" whenever they feel like it! Traveling in Port Au Prince in not exactly easy and even getting from one place to another might be extremely difficult. I cannot imagine trying to take the correct tap-tap !!!

The third issue is time. Sean is leaving in a few days with his youth group to go to Mexico. They are really excited about the missions trip and many will by flying for the first time. Summer was not a good time to take off work and it caused some ill feelings with his boss. While Christmas break is not a busy construction time, we are concerned about asking off for another "missions trip". Please pray about this trip for Sean, and for the Mexico trip as well!

Fasting Mondays.

Another family adopting from For His Glory has challenged us to fast Mondays for our kids and other orphans. http://campgirdwood.blogspot.com/

I really believe in fasting, but as I prayed about fasting Mondays I looked up some verses about fasting. This really, really spoke to me:

Ezra 8:21-23 Then I proclaimed a fast there at the river of Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from Him the right way for us and our little ones and all our possessions. 22 For I was ashamed to request of the king an escort of soldiers and horsemen to help us against the enemy on the road, because we had spoken to the king, saying, “The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him.” 23 So we fasted and entreated our God for this, and He answered our prayer.

We have done this! We have told those who doubt that we are called to adopt this child that WE KNOW God will provide a way, we know he will provide the finances, we know, without any doubt that Sophia Luc is our daughter and we are trusting Him to walk us through it. So we will fast and seek God and ask for his protection and guidance over our daughter, our finances, and all matters of this adoption!

Anyone out there want to join us?

More pictures! Such a little toddler still...

So pretty, but so sad. I want to hug her... it is frustrating sometimes!

New Pictures!!!!!!!

This is the brand new update picture for July!

(ignore the date on the pictures, they do not know how to change it)

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she looks happy!

Possible ads

In my efforts to raise money I have allowed ads on this page. If they are really annoying, please let me know. Otherwise, please click on them because that is how I earn $$. We'll see how worth while it is...

I have LOTS of new Sophia pictures... I'll try and get some posted tonight!

This is Sean putting in the new floor I have wanted for so long. He is a general contractor, so his days are spent doing things like this. He is an expert at tile, but pretty good at all the other stuff, like framing, concrete, cabinets, plumbing and of course, nearly any type of flooring. I know he would have rather done pretty much anything else on his day off, and that makes me all the more grateful that he would do this for me!

People often assume that because I am the person posting this blog, doing the research, paperwork, etc that I am the person leading our home. We hear a lot of those "stupid man who just does what his wife says" jokes. So I wanted to tell you just how awesome my husband is...though I'll try to stay relatively on the adoption topic.

To me it is fantastic that I married a man who has such a heart for children. While I hear all around me about women who wish their husbands would let them have more children, Sean has always sought God on this issue. He has not been afraid to have too many blessings (BTW...Great blog about Blessings here:http://gombojav.blogspot.com/search/label/blessings )

Sean is a great Dad. He has every excuse not to be! He works full time, and in the summer that often means 10 hours of hard labor outdoors. When he comes home there are outdoor chores to be done such as mowing the grass, cleaning the garage and fixing whatever has broken today. He is a full time student and it is not unusual to have 2-3 hours of homework at night. He serves in our church as youth leader, elder, deacon, and is on the board. He is preparing to take his youth group to Mexico. Yet, it is rare that he is unable to tuck the kids in at night. He greets them happily and praises their craft projects and paintings. He does not miss the little dance being done by a daughter to show off her new dress or the stomping of his son acting as a monster ready to attack. Each night he reads them the bible and blesses them before they go to sleep. I don't know where he finds the energy... but I know how much the kids appreciate him. To our kids their Daddy is the super hero,and I never want to see that change!

When we began to talk about this adoption, Sean was willing but wanted to seek God first. We agreed that I would research and report back. I knew he would listen to me, but also that he would pray and listen. When I told him of the dreams I was having about a little girl in Haiti, it was he who encouraged me to look for her. I have not ever had a prophetic dream that I know of, but somehow he knew. When I found Sophia, it was Sean who said "If we have a daughter in Haiti, then lets go get her"! I know he would rather not deal with the paperwork or the classes or the home study meetings. But he has been willing and cheerful, and I have appreciated it!

When it looked like we could not adopt Sophia, I wanted an answer so badly that I would probably have accepted another referral. We already know that because of the square footage of our house we can only adopt one child. If he had given in to me, we would have had a lot of trouble. He simply said "I will not have an Ishmael". I am glad he listens to God. I am glad he will not be pushed, it would have been easier for him to say yes. To adopt another child that needed a home, but it would not have been God's plan and we would have missed out on the huge blessing God had planned for us due only to my impatience.

We are a one income, blue collar family. Sean believes in the importance of having me at home, raising our children. He has never suggested that I ought to be bringing in money or made me feel that we did not have equal share in our home or bank account. He knows that this adoption will be financially a big challenge. We cannot commit much of our budget and we do not have significant savings. However despite the fact that we cannot always make ends meet, he has always paid his tithe, always believed that God would provide. God always has, and we believe he will provide for this adoption as well.

I am impressed over and over again at the man God provided for me. He is abundantly generous, kind, loving, a good father, provider, and husband. I thank God for him, but not enough. So today, Sean I just want everyone to know how much I love and appreciate you.

About Sophia:

I wish I knew everything. I wish I could tell you what it is like to hold her when she cries, her favorite color, I want to know the smell of her hair, and the sound of her voice. It will be a long time before I know so many of those things. With 4 children at home I cannot travel on a moments notice, and Sean will use all of his vacation time taking his youth group on a missions trip to Mexico next month (Had we known, they could have gone to Haiti!)

I am extremely excited to be expecting a CD of pictures and perhaps even a video very soon. While pictures are a poor substitute for meeting her in person, I will be so thankful to have them!

So, here is what we do know. Sophia shares a birthday with Joe, She is 4 years old now and while we can hope... it is most likely she will be well into her 5th year before she comes home. Her mother died of an illness when Sophia was very young, her father was killed by a gunshot more recently. She does have a Grandmother who loves her, however at 53 she is already very old for a Haitian woman and can not provide food or shelter for herself, much less a child. Honestly, it makes me wish I could bring them both here!

I have been told that Sophia has a lot of energy and is very sweet. I wish I knew more!

Help for those who are new to this blogging stuff...

A few people have mentioned to me that they could only read the most recent post or could not find any previous information. If you look on the left side of the screen there is an "archive" of all the previous posts. Click the arrow next to June to open a list of older post titles. The bottom one will be the first post and then you can work up from there if you want to read the posts in order. Also, the "For His Glory" pictures on the side are all all videos!

Next week, pictures of Sophia!!!!!!!!!!